cinta hati ku

i love the way you look at me, it's like you can see deep into my soul.
i love the way you put your arms around me, it makes me feel safe.
i love the way you lower your head every time i want to talk.
i love the way you lean your head against mine when i put my head on your shoulder.
i love the way you always smile when i make a joke coz it makes me feel appreciated.
i love the way you love me coz i've never been loved like this before.
i love it when you say yes to all my requests no matter how absurd they are and i've no doubt that you'd do it for real if you could.
i love it when you listen to me talk on and on and on and never look bored.
i love it when you pinch my nose after you say i'm cute.
i love it how i'm always nervous around you.
i love it how everytime i want to see you, the first sight of you causes butterflies in my tummy.
i love the crinkles around your eyes everytime you laugh or smile, i think they're beautiful.

we'll be apart soon.
and God knows when we'll see each other again, but i have had so many wonderful memories with you.

memories that i can replay in my mind over and over again.

thank you for creating those memories with me.
you may be far from me but you'll always be in my heart, thoughts and prayers.

♥

shrinky pinky

i've nothing to write. i think that my mind or rather brain is slowly shrinking and fading away into nothingness. i seriously have no thoughts or opinions to share. that is lame and worrying. maybe i'm becoming that quieter and more introvert person that i've always wanted to be....NOT!!

anyway, tomorrow is kakak's birthday cum engagement day. perlulah kan double celebration. oh i think it's a quadruple celebration. kakak's engagement + birthday + kaklong's new job + my graduation (i added the last part, ma dint mention it. i'll remind her later. haha) her mini dais was set up last night (i know!!! she has a mini dais for her engagement!!!!!), her dulang hantarans will be complete this evening, the door gifts perlu ditepek dgn ribbon but that can be done tonight, the house is tidied up (tinggal nak bawak keluar furniture je. my biceps muscles will come in handy for this job), grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins from pahang will be sleeping over tonight (i cant wait!! i miss wan and atok soo much!), and i think everything is set!

tomorrow, i will dress myself in the ugliest baju kurung possible coz i know i'll be running around getting everything done so i do not want to dirty my pretty ones. i also have a feeling i will not be in front of the lens tomorrow (ayen and the crew will be there to take pics) coz i have this massive sweeet baby of mine who chose JUST THE RIGHT TIME to pop out. i loveeeeeee youuuu pwetty pwetty zit of mine (please note the sarcasm). i can't wait to meet the family. it's gonna be a grand affair with hundreds of guests (just the way kakak likes it :p)

oh my kakak is gonna get married soon. hurry up will ya? then i can have ur room and i don't have to be a pest in baby's room anymoreeeeee. hahahahaha. i'm only saying this now. u know i'll cry buckets when the time comes for you to leave home like how we did when kak long got married. mwahahahahahahahaha.

i hope everything goes well tomorrow. if only sayang can make it. sobsob :(

i'm meltinggggg~~

ignore the previous post. tajuknya pon gibberish. that was my ass talking not me :)) anyhooo, i'm feeling aaalll bettah now. lucky dapat boyfren yang pandai talk sense into me sebab i tend to jump to conclusions and get all emotional. sooo yeah, i'm okay. say what you want, think of me as a tart if you please, i know myself better. kadang-kadang u don't know how your words or actions affects the people around you so think before you say or do something.

a piece of eye candy

he makes me go gagagagaga :))

kasihannn kene paksa tangkap gambar like this in front of his friends

thanx bebi!

mwahmwah

my heart is set.

okay. i've made up my mind. i want to go to aussie. trying to appeal for late admission tapi tak taw la boleh ke tak. if not i'll differ to february's intake. i know it's gonna be hard, life's gonna be tough but i think i want to prove to myself that i can be independent. memanglah study local pon sama je. i'm not saying that studying locally is not good or whatever but i want the experience of studying abroad. coz i think i'll be doing my PhD locally. orang yang sedang belajar abroad keep saying that it's boring, malaysia's wayyyy better and i don't doubt it but just let me experience it for myself kot. i hope i don't regret the decision that i'm making. people keep telling me that the decision is in my hands so you people better shut up and just support me k?

i had my doubts but i had a wonderful talk with zaba and despite his unserious ways what he said is true. i had gone through all the trouble sitting for ielts, paying a humongous amount of money just to sit for that exam, i had gone here and there settling stuff and i really just shouldn't stop halfway. and i guess that my heart is really in it. i want to get a new experience. there was only one thing that bothered me if i started in february but we cleared it up, zaba n i. so no more worries and i can go there with an open heart.

but i really really hope the uni can consider my appeal for late admission. i'm praying reaalllyyy hard right now. but kalau tak dapat pon, i'll work and save some money first :)

so that's it. pray for me peeps. hopefully i made the right choice.

i'm at the office and i'm really in no mood to do anything. i think i have tons of stuff to do but my heart is just not into it. sure sebelum ni pon aku cam malas-malas je nak bwat kerja but now it's getting worse.

nak sambung belajar :( tapi kalau nak sambung kat aussie kena tunggu february and that is 7 months away. i don't wanna waste my time doing odd jobs like this. rasanya sambung local lagi baek. i'll be close to home and everyone i love. my target is to finish my Masters in 2011. then i wanna get married. mwahahahahahahahaha.

so, i'll be quitting my job pertengahan bulan ni. haven't told my boss yet. he'll be devastated i know. walaupun aku takde la bwat kerja banyak sangat but i do ease his burden a little bit. what i'm gonna do after i quit is still a bit of a blur. i will be able to survive a month with my remaining pay but after that i'm gonna have to move my butt and do something with my life. maybe i'll just do my Masters in UKM. they do have the field i want and i have talked to one of the lecturers in Dec last year. i hope they still have a spot for me. hmmmm. but then kalau belajar camne nak dapat duit? see how hard adult life is? lainlah kalau dapat sponsorship or dapat jadi RA ke sambil belajar. kakak told me to work and do my masters part time but i am just not up to it. aku perlu fokus kepada satu benda sahaja.

dilla, please please pleassseee make up your mind sooonn! the clock is tickingggggg.

sangat cemburu tgk students pergi and balik kelas semalam since the semester has already begun. sangat cemburu tgk students lepak kat cafe with their friends in between classes. i miss my undergrad days :(

p.s/ all the best of luck to azliyana azhari in your new place! we'll miss you. make new friends but don't forget us k? ;)

bicara otak lapar

tadi i had something to write about but as usual dah lupa.

* i'm afraid of screwing up. again. i'm good at that, y'knw. screwing up. yeahh so right now i feel like i'm walking on thin ice. so scared of making any mistake. one that might be fatal. to say that i'm not being me is not 100% true. i'm still me but i'm jz being precocious. i guess i treasure it so much jadi aku terpaksa mengubah diri aku to mold around it so that it and i, we'll get along well together. and hopefully forever. aku bukanlah unhappy sebab terpaksa mengubah diri aku coz it's good u know. tapi i guess i'm scared, or maybe traumatized. if i screw up this time round, i'm giving up.

* it's sad how sometimes you grow away from people. people who used to be with you all the time. i guess it's because new people enter your lives and the old ones fade into the background. that happens but i wish it wouldn't.

* i detest perempuan yang layan lelaki dengan teruk. lelaki yg merupakan lover dorg lah. kalau suami ape tah lagi. nak2 kalau lelaki tu saaangat lah baek. benci gile tengok perempuan herdik2 bf/suami dorg while the lelaki tunduk je and tak melawan i think sbb rase hormat pada wanita and tak nak malukan dorg in public. macam tadi i witnessed this couple bergaduh dlm kereta. i parked beside them and dint know they were fighting. then tibe2 i heard a bang at my car. bila toleh it turned out pmpn tu bkak pintu and banged my car. dah la xpndg cm nk sory2 ke ape and then i saw her campak jam lelaki tu kt luar. lelaki tu cm dok diam je kat tepi tu and tunduk. i was like woooooooo~ waddaheck. dah la kt tmpt blaja laki tu agak2 aa. cmne kalo membe2 dia nmpk ke. haishh. i mean yesss i dont know what da guy did but stillll dat's not nice laahhh. lelaki, tolong jgn baek sngt dgn your girl bley x? i mean ye anda patot syg tp tolong lah berpada-pada. semuanya perlu ada limit. getting your ass whooped in public when u totally dont deserve it is so not cool and macho.

* i hate it when people get so caught up with their lives and they forget the little things that matter. the ones that are small but life changing at the same time.

* aku cemburu akan org yang boleh cakap dialek laen. haah believe it or not aku rasa sngt cool dgr org yang boleh ckp telo macam2 negeri. sure i speak nogori but it's easy peasy.

update!!

okayyyy so here's the latest update. i WILL NOT be going to aussie anytime soon. ini adalah kerana wabak H1N1 yang sedang merebak dengan dahsyatnya di sana. so insyaAllah if everything clears up i'll be going in february. it is suchaaaaa turn off sebab aku cam dah excited2 dah kannn. sobsob. but nvm at least i'll be able to go to my convo!! hoyeaahhhhhhhhhh! mama kite kene g beli kain! :D and attend kakak's engagement on the 18th, and angah's engagement on the 5th day of raya. so i wont be missing out on a lot of things.

now i'm looking for a job. a semi-permanent job that pays a whole lot more than my current job. i neeeed the money since i'll be here lebih lama lagi. just realized that i have no savings. yeah laaa with the small amount of money that i earn, there's only enough for my daily needs. so itulah dia. i'm here to stay, to pester all of u summore. ahahahahahahaaha. >:)

perempuan (or maybe it's just me) have a habit of letting lose things that should just be kept quietly under their tongue. tu lah org tua-tua kata, terlajak perahu bly undur, terlajak kata .... (aku dah tak ingt dah and i'm not even sure it's da correct thing)

so here i am regretting stuffs that's left my big gap (no pun intended). harus belajar tarik nafas dalam-dalam when i'm having second thoughts bout saying something. oh well. benda dah jadi. XP

nostalgia

my cousin abang amir has been uploading pics from the past on facebook. we had a few laughs looking at our comot faces back then, and commenting how time flies and how all of us have grown. but then i saw this pic and aku tersentak.

this is our wan, passed away on june 18th 2007 at our house. i think she's about 72 in this pic. i miss her. i'm glad i had the chance to take care of her before she passed away. i'm sure my sisters feel the same way too. i admit i have not been the best granddaughter to her. kadang-kadang ada merungut jugak bila disuruh buat itu ini but i still did what she told me to do nonetheless. lega rasanya dpt jaga wan masa wan saket. i hope dosa-dosa kecil aku kat wan terhapus sikit. and i think wan forgave me for all my wrongdoings coz she kept saying, 'adik ni baik. wan sayang adik.' but then again i think she said that to everybody :) oh shucks i feel myself tearing up.

may Allah S.W.T bless her beautiful soul. Al-Fatihah.

in a nutshell

super busy weekend. abang's nikah on friday and the reception on umi's side on saturday. everything went well and according to plan, Alhamdulillah. readying myself to become a grandma. hoho. malas gile nak upload gambar, ada dlm 500 kot for both days. my 50mm lens is like suuperr coool, i love you lens mwamwamwa.

my craving for durians are gone sbbnye zaba brought like a trunkful of durians over last nite from his kampung but i took 3 sahaja. thanks bebi! mama bwat kuah durian and mkn dgn pulut sooo yumm yumm. nu, aku suh mama bwat sbb ko keco2 aritu :p

watched transformers tadi and it is DA BOMB! robots are sooo sooo cool. movie dia laame gile but i didn't want it to end. pleassseee go and watch it people. ternganga ok tgk dorg transform. nguuuu i like!

abah's gone to paris and to barcelona later on. rindu abah :( tak biase abah pergi lame2. sobsob but i hope u bring back something guuudddd :D

lapar dan mengantok. eat then sleep. no wonder i have a muffin top (quoting baby)

*updated

mama makes the bessstttt sambal everrrrrrrrrrr! still havent figured out how to cook it like that. one thing i will surely miss when and IF i go to aussie.